![]() The affair left me wracked with guilt and feeling like that’s all I was good for - I was just somebody’s dirty secret. I left my life behind to start a new one with him. This was the man with whom I had an affair (even though I didn’t believe in cheating and I didn’t want to be a mistress). When my ex broke up with me, he severely underestimated my feelings for him. He seemed to hate me for not accepting his indifference right off the bat. I cried, I screamed, I fought, and demanded answers.Įverything was about to change for me as a brand new mum. In reality, I think he was pissed off that I didn’t lie down and take it when he threw me away. It drove me crazy how he kept reeling me back in after saying shit to me (like how much he hated me and that I was the meanest person he ever met). “Talk to your girlfriend,” I’d tell him at first. If he wasn’t making comments about how he missed being intimate, he was calling me at 3am to say he was having an anxiety attack and needed me. While my ex was living with his new girlfriend and I was lonely at home, he kept our sexual relationship alive. It didn’t matter that he treated me like garbage, because he also kept doling out little breadcrumbs that looked and felt like love. There was so much rage between us, yet all I really wanted was to get back together. And it ticked him off because I wasn’t happy with him simply fathering our kid and behaving as if nothing had changed. ![]() Instead, I expected him to be a decent dad to our child - who never asked to be born into our mess. He was angry because I hadn’t “loved him as unconditionally” as he wanted. Both angry that the other person hadn’t “lived up to their end of the bargain.” I was angry because he acted like the pregnancy was no big deal for me. ![]() We argued practically every single day for four months. ![]()
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